Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
