last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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