May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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