I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
