My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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