glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
