I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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