I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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