It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
