so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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