There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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