my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
