remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
