She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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