She is in my trunk
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
