I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
