my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
