I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
