I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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