I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
