I'm really into asian looking animals
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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