i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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