I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
