She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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