All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
