UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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