and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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