somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
