he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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