she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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