if i can run in heels then i can drive
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
