We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
