Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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