If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize