Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
