Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
