i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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