I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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