Pappa wants mamma naked
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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