you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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