New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The power of my boobs compel you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
