Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize