Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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