I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
