Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
