wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
