Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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