9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
