Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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