if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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