When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You can't just leave with hair like that
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
