well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
