im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She told me I should be a condom model.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
