Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
