I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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