Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my shit smells like andre
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
