Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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