You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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