matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
