How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
