I've blown a few things in my day
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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