I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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