Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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