just tell him i said nine months
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
