i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
