so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You are the jesus of drinking
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
